I set out to find the perfect greeting card for Mike for Father’s Day. There are so many cards but none of them say enough. I know I’ve mentioned many times before how desperately I wanted to be a Mom. The evolution of that thought has been an interesting one. In my childhood years, I was certain I would have a black baby. I even had the cutest little black baby doll that I cared for. As a teenager and even a young adult I wanted to have a baby all on my own. I was young and jaded. I was sure that all Dad’s left and the ones that stuck around weren’t any good, so I thought I would just do it on my own.

As I grew into a woman, I realized that the color and sex of child did not matter. I didn’t just want to be a Mom. I wanted a family. I wanted to marry a man that would love me and my children selflessly. I wanted a stable family. I wanted to give my children two parents that loved each other and wouldn’t leave each other or them.

I have no idea how I got so lucky, but I got that and more. I couldn’t begin to thank Mike for all the sacrifices he makes for our family. He works so hard and he sleep so little. He manages to care for our children every day after just a couple of hours of sleep. He cares for me. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t ask me how my day was at work and he isn’t just asking. If I don’t have a story to give him about the day, I think he gets concerned. He really wants to know. He wants to be my sounding board when I need it.

Those of you who follow my blog or know me, have probably heard my philosophy about “giving chairs” from the movie Phenomenon. If you don’t get it, I suggest watching the movie, that will explain it more than I can. Mike buys my chairs all the time and he always has. Just one example: I love animals. One of my passions is backyard birds. Pre-children, I had many different kinds of bird feeders for the birds and squirrels. I have my binoculars so I can check out the ones that are too far away. I’d love to see them in our back yard. I especially love seeing new birds that I can’t identify at a glance so I can figure out what they are. Mike participates in my love and fascination of birds. Many times, he’ll call me away from what I’m doing to look out the kitchen window and see a bird or squirrel. He’s even sent me pictures at work of birds that he’s seen in the yard.

He’s indulged so many of my fleeting fancies, like Stamping or Gardening.

He tolerates my OCD and sometimes even caters to it.

He loves me and his children selflessly. He is absolutely the best husband and dad we could ask for. I’m so thankful and so blessed.

I just took Mike a glass of ice water. He was picking up toys and debris from the yard that was left there by the kids. He’s been hard at work in the yard for the past hour and there is still more to do. It made me think of one of my favorite songs in the entire world and it is the song that I silently dedicate to my husband every time I hear it.

You go to work
I know that’s what a man’s supposed to do
But sometimes you’re so tired when you get home
You’re not much fun to talk to

Saturdays,
you kick that old lawn mower till it starts.
Then patiently you turn it off and on,
Dodgin’ toys in the back yard
You smile, when you pass the kitchen window

And I, I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
An’ everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

You don’t mind,
When my sister calls me every Friday night,
About the time we turn the movie on,
Just to talk about her love life.
And your little boy says one day he’ll drink coffee just like you.
You say it makes you better knowing he,
Watches everything that you do.
Sometimes you don’t understand me but you try, and…

And I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
An’ everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

And I’m not sure why I deserve this life.
But I’m so thankful that it’s mine.

I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
And everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

I think you’re beautiful.
Beautiful.

In another installment of “Kids Say The Darndest Things”…

Every so often we have “breakfast” for dinner. Tonight happened to be one of those lucky nights. I always start by frying the bacon. After I fried a few pieces, Gabe says, “I smell something.”

So, I asked him, “What do you smell?”

Confidently, he replied, “It’s bacon.”

Knowing that he likes bacon and I like it when he actually eats his dinner, I asked if he wanted bacon for dinner, sure the answer would be yes.

He replied in the most matter-of-fact tone, “No. I want bacon in my hand.”

The best part is that he was dead serious. While his Dad and I were laughing, he was looking at us like, “Why isn’t there bacon in my hand yet?”

On rare occasions, usually around Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, or your birthday, I’ll sit in front of our keyboard staring vacantly at a blank document on the monitor. I try to put together words that can adequately describe how I feel. Sometimes, I’ll get a paragraph or even two out. But invariably, I fail.

And I will again today.

But I’m going to try anyway.

It’s not enough to say that you are my best friend. But you are my best friend.

It’s not enough to say that in a thousand lifetimes, I couldn’t find a better mother for my children. But there is no better mother for my children.

My limited vocabulary doesn’t contain the words that would express my gratitude for all you do for our family and my appreciation and awe at the sacrifices you have made. But I am so very grateful for the struggle and sacrifice you make for our marriage and our family.

It’s not enough to say “I love you.”

But I’ll continue to sit in front of my blank document. I’ll continue to hammer away at the keyboard failing endlessly to find the words that are enough. Maybe someday I’ll get lucky. Maybe someday, I’ll find the words. But until then, just know…

I love you.

Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother to our children. Thank you for everything you do for our family.
Happy Mother’s Day, Jenifer.

It is so hard to believe that four years have past. It seems like yesterday and then again it seems like there was never life before.

I remember it all so vividly. I remember…

April 2004 - Discussion with my husband how we can afford adoption in the states. Feeling certain after two years of trying that I would never carry my own child. Feeling broken but at the same time hopeful.

July 2004 - Just a few months later, I’m looking at that little blue plus sign on a stick. Not believing my very eyes. My heart racing as I tell me husband that we are pregnant.

August 2004 - Sitting on a couch for two days, after visiting the ER with bleeding and cramps. Certain that I’ve lost our child only to see his tiny little heartbeat on a monitor just two days later. At that moment, I was lost in love for my tiny baby that was no bigger than a small bean inside my belly.

March 2005 - Going to my regularly schedule prenatal visit, only to be admitted immediately to the hospital due to out of control blood pressure. Potentially fatal blood presure. Being given that terrible seizure medication that made me so sick, but kept me from dying or going into a coma. Then being rushed into an emergency c-section 4 weeks prior to my due date. Though I was so sick and miserable, when I heard the lungs of my newborn son give out a good healthy cry, I was overwhelmed by the joy and the tears fell.

So many landmark occassions were yet to come…

July 2005 - My beautiful miracle baby boy, Gabriel, took his first bites of cereal. Needless to say, he was a natural!

September 2005 - Gabe cut that first tooth. Over the next several months he would cut the rest and consequently develop one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen.

February 2006 - My little baby took his first steps. He took that first big leap from baby to toddler and he did it with flair. He didn’t just take a step and stumble, he stood up in the middle of the living room floor (also a first) and just took off. He took six whole steps before he stumbled. I guess he decided he was ready in no uncertain terms.

June 2006 - He was forming his first words. Words that only his parents could understand, but it was a welcome change. We could soon stop guessing what he needed. He could tell us for himself.

April 2007 - He moves from a crib to a bed. A smooth and painless transition.

There were so many more landmark occasions. Birthdays have come and gone. There are so many more landmark occasions to come. I actually consider today one of them. Today, my beautiful miracle turns four. Today, I must accept that my baby is now a little boy. Today, I realize that school is that much closer. Today, I cry because four years ago I was given the greatest gift ever…my family.

I love you, Gabey. You will ALWAYS be my baby.

Posted by Jen’s friend Gretchen:

First off - aren’t Jenifer’s babies BEAUTIFUL!!! I am just taken by their cuteness!

A response to the radio show that has inspired the future financial plan. My take is this: the best way to pay off debt is not to pay the “smallest” debt first, but rather, to pay the “highest interest rates” first. In fact, this will make the time you need to pay off all debt shorter and less expensive (because those high interest rates are a bitch that will leave you in never-ending debt/interest payment). Here is a simplified example. Lets say you have three credit cards with the following balances and interest rates:

Card 1) $1000 14.9% interest
Card 2) $1500 23% interest
Card 3) $5000 3% interest

You would pay your minimums (plus 20%) on Cards 1 and 3 and then you would pay the most you could on Card 2. Let’s say that the most you can pay per month is $200. Well, as the months go on, your minimum payment will get smaller, thus paying off more of the principle debt. When that debt is gone, you now have an “extra” $200 per month to pay off Card 1. You would then pay $200 per month on that card PLUS the amount you were already paying on that card. When that card is paid off, you then pay that amount you were paying PLUS the amount you were paying on Card 3 to card 3. You total interest, and thus the total amount you expend, will be LESS if you pay it this way. As it is better to hold onto debt at 3% than at 23%.

A note on why you pay the minimum plus 20% on the “other” cards while you focus on one. Your credit score is dependent on your timely payments, plus the amount you pay. If you only pay your minimums, it will effect your credit score negatively. If you pay “over” your minimum, it will reflect your credit score positively (which will also effect the interest rates you pay on all your debt.) In order for the credit card companies to recognize that you pay over your minimum, you must pay at least 20% over your minimum. To get this number, take your minimum payment due and multiply it by 1.2. For example, if your minimum payment is $100, then your mimimum payment would be (100 x 1.2) = $120 per month. This is only applicable to credit and charge cards.

Also, if you have a mortgage, check with your mortgage company to see if there is a penalty if you split your mortgage payment up into two payments per month. If your mortgage is due on the first of the month, it would work like this: You would pay 1/2 your March mortgage payment on Feb 15th and then you would pay the remainder due on March 1st. Because the interest on your mortgage compounds not only on principle but also on the interest due, you will have eliminated two weeks of that interest due mid-month, thereby applying more of your second payment toward principle. On a 30 year loan, you could essentially pay off your house about 5 years early paying this way. Don’t take that number of years as exact, as it’s just an estimate, but ultimately, you get the idea.

I can not recommend more to read Suze Orman’s books, particularly her “Ask Suze Financial Library” which is not available in stores, but can be found on the secondary market on ebay. I got a set for a friend on ebay for only $9.oo. My original set was gotten on a special offer on PBS or something… but it is seriously invaluable regarding financial matters.

Best to all during these difficult times!!!

Love to the Roberts ( :

It has been a long time coming and truthfully should have come much sooner, but we have a plan. We have accrued a lot of debt together. Some of it was unavoidable due to massive medical expenses. Some of it was frivolous and unneccessary. Well, it is time to fix this mess. We are taking an approach that Mike heard on a financial advice radio show called snowballing your debt. So, we take the easiest debt (smallest) to pay off and we get it paid off. For us that is our auto loan. We are are about $3K away from having that paid off. That is a $350 per month payment. So, the idea is we get that paid off and apply that $350 to the monthly payment for the next lowest debt. Then we keep doing that until we are debt free, with the exception of our mortgage.

Tomorrow we are making a big step toward making this happen…but it is a kind of scary step. We are shutting off the cable…everything except for the internet. This will cut our cable bill by about 75%. I must admit, while it is kind of scary…it is also kind of exciting to think that in a few years we could be debt free. I’d like to say that we will snowball this monthly amount to the first of our debt, but honestly I don’t think that is the case. We’ve truly been living beyond our means. This is the first step we are taking to live within our means. Even that feels good. For the first time in a few years, I’m really hopeful about our financial future.

In another additions of Kids Say The Darndest Things.

So, Gabe is darn near potty trained these days, but does have the occassional overnight accident. So, of course when that happens, his bedding must all be washed. Well this morning, I was folding laundry and it happened to be the bedding off our bed. He asks, “What are you doing, Mommy.”

“I’m folding our sheets.” I responded.

He replied with the utmost certainty, “Oh, Daddy peed in the bed.”

I must say the whole thought process tickled me, but the fact that it was Daddy that must have peed the bed and not Mommy was especially funny to me.