Have you seen it? I can’t find it. Perhaps I should post some signs in the neighborhood: “Please return to owner”.

I seem to have lost a bunch of time somewhere. In four short weeks, my first born will be starting school. In a couple months, my second born will turn 3. Whoa! Whoa! Stop the clock…or at least slow it down, please. I’m begging here.

I’m so excited for Gabe to start school but in the same thought, our lives are changing so much at the end of this summer. Soon, I’ll be getting two of us ready in the mornings. I probably won’t be leaving breakfast for Mike to handle. I’ll probably need to find time to feed two of us in the morning. We will be purchasing school supplies over the next 4 weeks. Over dinner maybe I’ll get to hear some stories about what they did in school or something the teacher said or new friends.

Mike will get to spend more time with Evie. You know she doesn’t know it, but she kind of got gypped. When Gabe was a baby, one of us was constantly holding him and cuddling him. When he was a toddler, we were working with him with flash cards. We played with him frequently. We were completely engaged. Evie didn’t get that. When she was a baby, we just couldn’t hold her all the time. We had to tend to Gabe and keep an eye on Gabe. While she’s been a toddler we’ve had very little time to work with her, play with her and engage with her. So, Evie is going to get some one on one time with her Daddy during the days and I’m excited for her. She’s got one of the best daddies in the world and will be a lucky little girl to have him all to herself.

Mike said something that broke my heart. He said, “Once Gabe starts school, I’m not going to see my son.” The part that broke my heart is that he’s not exaggerating.

Most of you know we work opposite shifts. Consequently, one of us is always with the kids. Mike is home with them during the day. I’m with them in the evenings. Mike sleeps in split shifts. He goes to work between 9:30 PM and 10:30 PM. He gets home between 3:30 AM and 5:30 AM. These days he usually gets in around 4 AM. He sleeps until 7 AM, 2-3 hours of sleep. Then he’s up with the kids all day. He goes back to bed around 6:30 PM after I get home from work and sleeps another 2-3 hours, waking around 9 PM. Once Gabe starts school, Mike may see Gabe just for the car ride to school. He’ll get a couple hours with him in the afternoon. That is about it.

Mike and I have contemplated having Mike move to a weekend only work schedule and I’ve always been against it. You see, our only “family time” takes place on the weekends. This is the only time we co-parent. The only time Mike and I have alone time is on the weekends after the kids are in bed. So, selfishly I just haven’t wanted to forfeit any of that time. Hearing the sorrow in Mike’s voice as he pointed out he would have such little time with his son was all I needed to change my mind.

He needs to be with our children and our children need to be with him. So, maybe we won’t have as much alone time. Maybe we won’t have weekends available to do fun family things or visit our non-local family…but we will make this work.

Life is changing in the Roberts household.

It is time to blow the dust of this old blog of mine. I’ve written and re-written this post a few times in my head over the past couple of weeks. I had every intention of writing this early this morning, but I’ve spent much of the day ill and consequently it has been a pretty lousy day for my husband even though this day is supposed to be the day we celebrate him. That in itself says so much about my babies Daddy.

Where is he right now?

He’s all ready made the weekly grocery trip to the grocery store for me because I was too sick to do it. He did that after he picked up the house and did a load of dishes all while watching the kids while I took a nap to try and cure the terrible headache that I was suffering. Now he’s off doing the weekly Wal*Mart trip to get the items that are cheaper at Wal*Mart than the grocery store. People who venture into Wal*Mart during weekend daylight hours deserve a medal!

Every day of his life he sleeps very little. We work opposite shifts so that we don’t have to do daycare and one of us is always home with the children. Consequently, we don’t see each other much and we are virtual single parents. In addition, Mike doesn’t really get to sleep and he hasn’t really been able to sleep for over 5 years. He doesn’t get home from work until after 5AM some nights and after only 2 hours of sleep, he has to get up and take care of our children while I head to work for the day. Then I get home and he gets a nap and if he’s lucky he may get 3 hours of sleep before he heads off to work. He’s tired and his body aches. His memory is shot and I’m sure each day is a struggle for him.

He doesn’t complain. He does this for our family each and every day. With any luck he gets some extra sleep and maybe some R&R over the weekend…but it isn’t like you can catch up on sleep. It isn’t like his body can recover in 2-days.

I know few men that would sacrifice like Mike sacrifices for his family. I wish I could make the children understand how lucky they are to have such a wonderful man for a father. They love him very much and they miss him when he’s sleeping. I think they know they have a great Dad but are just too young to understand how great he truly is. I get it though. I am so aware every day how blessed I am. Superficially speaking I’ve landed myself a really gorgeous fellow that loves me so much. He thinks I’m beautiful when I wake in the morning and have make-up all over my face and crazy cartoon hair. He loves me when I’m sick on Father’s Day and can’t take care of him like a man like him deserves to be taken care of. I married a really great man and an outstanding Father.

Mike, thank you for all that you do every day for our family. We are blessed to have you. Happy father’s day, my love.

I set out to find the perfect greeting card for Mike for Father’s Day. There are so many cards but none of them say enough. I know I’ve mentioned many times before how desperately I wanted to be a Mom. The evolution of that thought has been an interesting one. In my childhood years, I was certain I would have a black baby. I even had the cutest little black baby doll that I cared for. As a teenager and even a young adult I wanted to have a baby all on my own. I was young and jaded. I was sure that all Dad’s left and the ones that stuck around weren’t any good, so I thought I would just do it on my own.

As I grew into a woman, I realized that the color and sex of child did not matter. I didn’t just want to be a Mom. I wanted a family. I wanted to marry a man that would love me and my children selflessly. I wanted a stable family. I wanted to give my children two parents that loved each other and wouldn’t leave each other or them.

I have no idea how I got so lucky, but I got that and more. I couldn’t begin to thank Mike for all the sacrifices he makes for our family. He works so hard and he sleep so little. He manages to care for our children every day after just a couple of hours of sleep. He cares for me. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t ask me how my day was at work and he isn’t just asking. If I don’t have a story to give him about the day, I think he gets concerned. He really wants to know. He wants to be my sounding board when I need it.

Those of you who follow my blog or know me, have probably heard my philosophy about “giving chairs” from the movie Phenomenon. If you don’t get it, I suggest watching the movie, that will explain it more than I can. Mike buys my chairs all the time and he always has. Just one example: I love animals. One of my passions is backyard birds. Pre-children, I had many different kinds of bird feeders for the birds and squirrels. I have my binoculars so I can check out the ones that are too far away. I’d love to see them in our back yard. I especially love seeing new birds that I can’t identify at a glance so I can figure out what they are. Mike participates in my love and fascination of birds. Many times, he’ll call me away from what I’m doing to look out the kitchen window and see a bird or squirrel. He’s even sent me pictures at work of birds that he’s seen in the yard.

He’s indulged so many of my fleeting fancies, like Stamping or Gardening.

He tolerates my OCD and sometimes even caters to it.

He loves me and his children selflessly. He is absolutely the best husband and dad we could ask for. I’m so thankful and so blessed.

I just took Mike a glass of ice water. He was picking up toys and debris from the yard that was left there by the kids. He’s been hard at work in the yard for the past hour and there is still more to do. It made me think of one of my favorite songs in the entire world and it is the song that I silently dedicate to my husband every time I hear it.

You go to work
I know that’s what a man’s supposed to do
But sometimes you’re so tired when you get home
You’re not much fun to talk to

Saturdays,
you kick that old lawn mower till it starts.
Then patiently you turn it off and on,
Dodgin’ toys in the back yard
You smile, when you pass the kitchen window

And I, I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
An’ everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

You don’t mind,
When my sister calls me every Friday night,
About the time we turn the movie on,
Just to talk about her love life.
And your little boy says one day he’ll drink coffee just like you.
You say it makes you better knowing he,
Watches everything that you do.
Sometimes you don’t understand me but you try, and…

And I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
An’ everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

And I’m not sure why I deserve this life.
But I’m so thankful that it’s mine.

I think you’re beautiful.
My world would be an empty place,
Without your touch, without your face.
And I see the man you are,
And everything you want to be,
And how you love the things,
That mean the most to me;
I think you’re beautiful.

I think you’re beautiful.
Beautiful.

I just had a moment. One of those moments where everything makes sense. One of those moments where you actually wonder if you can see God’s hands in your world. It was a simple moment. Gabe fell asleep in our bed, while Mike and I watched a movie in the living room. When the movie ended, and Mike held our sleeping boy in his strong and powerful arms that is when the moment happened.

In an instant, I saw Gabe’s cheek peacefully resting on his Daddy’s shoulder while he hung in Mike’s arms like a rag doll. I saw the strong, honest, kind and handsome man that I married carrying my first born child. In that same moment, I saw the house around me. The toys strewn all over the house. One lonely dining chair in position from when me made a blanket fort last night. My panty hose all over the floor in the bedroom, because Evie loves to empty drawers or baskets of clothes. A basket of laundry waiting patiently to be washed.

In that moment all I can think is this is my life, my beautiful, wonderful life.

Mike and I work opposite shifts so that one of us is always home with Gabey. I’m certain that we are doing the right thing. Day care is frightening. I think back to my childhood and recall how I was abused in my babysitter’s home…she was a good babysitter, and there would be no reason not to trust her. Perhaps it is paranoia, but the only way I think you can be certain your child is being cared for appropriately is to do it yourself.

The downside to this arrangement is that Mike and I don’t get a lot of time one on one. I often find myself staying up until 12:00/1:00/2:00/3:00 AM just so I can have more time with him. Getting up with Gabe at 6:00 AM can be a tad difficult but fortunately, I don’t require as much sleep as the average person. Every Saturday and Sunday morning I go through the same thing. I hang out with my son, sometimes I’m productive around the house, but I’m always watching that clock. Mike will wake up anytime between 10:00 AM and Noon. I can’t wait to hear that bedroom door open. I can’t wait to see him. It is all I can do not to go in there and wake him up. So here I sit at 9:30 AM waiting with baited breath to see my handsome husband.

I’ve been having a rough time lately. I’m a little overwhelmed with the transition back to work. Mainly because I really got bitten by the housewife bug during my time off. Now that I’m back at work, I don’t want to have a trashy house, nor do I want to feed my family fast food every night. Yet, it is difficult to do otherwise. Gabe gets up around 6 AM. From 6-6:30 AM I try to wake up, drink my coffee while Gabe has his chocolate milk. From 6:30-7:00 AM I’m trying to get ready, while entertaining my son. At 7:00 AM, I make our breakfast and at 7:20 AM, I wake up Mike and then I’m out the door by 7:30 AM. From 8:00 AM to 5:00/5:30 PM I’m working and rarely taking a break. I get home and heat up dinner (I’ve been preparing our weekly dinners on the weekend). If Gabe and I are lucky, Mike will join us for dinner before going straight to bed. After dinner, it is time for Gabe’s bath. He needs to be in the bath by 7:00 PM or he gets too sleepy and grumpy to bathe. Then at 7:30 PM he has his evening chocolate milk. At 8:00 PM we watch Little Einsteins and at 8:30 PM I take Gabe to Bed. If I can manage, I try and get a load of laundry and a load of dishes done before jumping in the shower and getting to bed around 10:30 PM. If Mike wakes up before 9:00 PM, I typically put any housework on hold to hang with him until he has to leave. So bedtime can be closer to 11:00/11:30 PM.

Then on the weekend, I’m catching up the laundry and cooking our meals. I typically have to use that time to catch up on Avon too.

To top it off, this weekend I’ve been sick with a really bad cold. I’m aching, coughing, tired and my nose aches from all the blowing. So this weekend has been particularly tough. Yet today, I made myself clean up so I could join my husband and son for lunch with my brother-in-law and his lovely bride. I’m glad I did, because they are a joy to be around and a real pick-me-up. However, the icing on the cake…we decided to take Gabe to the park after lunch. He’s been slowly getting more brave at the park. Our first couple of visits were no fun at all. He was scared and didn’t want anything to do with any of the park equipment. The last time I took him, he was a little more courageous and actually had fun. He would climb just a few of the steps of the big jungle gym/slide apparatus.

Well today, he was ready to take it on. He climbed all the way up to the top and willingly took the slide with his Daddy. He did that a few times before he was ready to take the slide on his own. For the first time in my life, I caught my beautiful son in my arms as he smiled all the way down that yellow park slide. It was wonderful. I tear up just thinking about it. I’m sure I was still tired and sick…but for that brief moment in time, I really didn’t feel it. I only felt the joy that comes with being a mother…the joy that comes from seeing that little boy grow-up…the joy that comes with seeing that wonderful smile on his sweet little face.

I’m so glad we went to the park today. I remembered how wonderful my life is. I remembered why I’m more tired these days. I remembered why I don’t want to feed my child fast food every day. I remembered why I don’t see my husband as often as I’d like. I remembered that I was given a gift…a miracle. I am a Mom and I wouldn’t change a thing.

There’s no love – like your love
And no other – could give more love
There’s nowhere – unless you’re there
All the time – all the way

So, I haven’t posted a real post in a long time and all of my most recent posts have been about my beautiful baby boy…today I write about the other wonderful man in my life.

Five years ago today, I did the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I married Mike. I sit here and wonder what I ever did to be so blessed. Mike is such a wonderful man and little did I know when I married him that he would be such a wonderful father.

We had some time off to celebrate our nuptuals, but due to my job and some other family obligations we have decided to postpone. When I told my Mom about postponing, she stressed that we need to fit it in sometime, because we have one of the best relationships she’s ever seen and it deserves to be celebrated.

We don’t put on a show for my Mom…sure we have bad days, but 99% of the time, we are happy and so much in love. We really do have a wonderful relationship. I hope that I always make Mike as happy as he makes me. I will happily spend the rest of my life taking care of my handsome husband, my beautiful son and nurting this wonderful relationship and I’m so glad that our son has such a wonderful role model.

Mike, thanks for five blissful years of marriage. I look forward to growing old with you. I love you so very much.

Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

Happy Birthday, Baby!

I think my husband said it best!