Evie is doing very well. She’s been off oxygen for a few days and doing very well. Her IV is gone as of this morning, so I got to dress her and she looks beautiful. Now, they just need to be sure that she’s taking in enough food on her own. Then she’ll lose the feeding tube and then she can come home!

This is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. My baby girl is still in the NICU. She’s doing well, but will still be there for a few days while she gets stronger and figures some things out. I’ve been “guesting” at the hospital. I was discharged last night, but they are letting me use a room to bunk in, however, if they fill up and need the room, I’m out. I’m extremely grateful for the option to stay, because so far, I’ve been unable to leave Evie.

I miss my husband, my son, my home and life as I knew it. I see Mike and Gabe every day, but I wish I could be there with them. I wish I could sleep next to my husband. I wish I could wake up with my son. Yes, I miss waking up at the crack of dawn. You see, after we get up at the crack of dawn we cuddle on the couch for 30 minutes to an hour. I miss that time with Gabey. I had resigned to leave the hospital this evening and go home with the boys. The moment I left the NICU for what I thought would be the last time until tomorrow, I started to ache. Tears stung my eyes and my heart began to race. She is so vulnerable. She is wholly dependent upon those around her and I should be one of those people that she depends on. She should know my touch, my voice, my smell and I need to see her bright eyes when she looks around and takes everything in.

I ended up staying in the hospital for another night. She’s going to be here for at least a few more days. I don’t know how I’ll make this work when I leave here. I need to spend time with her, but I can’t drive for another 10 days or so. Even if I could drive there is only so much that I can do with Gabe in tow. Mike will need to go back to work soon and I just don’t know how to make it all work. I NEED Evie to come home soon. I’d much rather struggle with figuring out how to make our lives work at home then struggle with making our lives work apart.

I think it’s easy to forget Evie is 5 weeks premature due to her size. But the truth is she needs more prayers now than she did inside her mama. Now she is trying to make it in our environment and each day is in need of thoughts and prayers. God, watch over Jen, Mike and Gabe’s little angel as she continues to make progress each day. Help her lungs to become mature. Guide her as she learns to eat on her own. Give Jen the strength she needs as she continues to be available to watch her youngest while her heart is divided for her husband and son at home. God keep this family close to you now more than ever. Amen.

Michele

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you – Jen, Mike , Gabe and now beautiful Evie.

I don’t know how I let my life get out of control. One minute I had my own home, money, a relationship, and many friends I considered my family. I don’t know how I got sidetracked. I don’t know how I let a co-dependent relationship and the eagerness to be loved begin to control all parts of my life. Not caring who I hurt including myself, only wanting to please her, not caring what bills got paid or didn’t – until it was all too late. Little trips here and there, gifts, paying expenses at her home. I’d waited 7 years for have a “relatioship” with her and I was going the distance to make sure I did everything to make her stay. All of the sudden I was drowning. Lie upon lie, dollar for this and that, just to keep her in that spot of being happy. Until we both realized too late it had nothing to do with what I GAVE. And she left. Reality brought me back down with depression. I looked around at all that was waiting at my door and was terrified. The calls started coming in for money, the notices on my door, threats to take my new car, mail. The only escape I had was being at work and even that wasn’t going well. I was out of control. And instead of going to those that loved me, those that I claimed as my family, instead of trusting they would help me and still love me for my errors, I did the unthinkable. I lied , stole, and took anything I liked about myself and disposed of it. It STILL makes me ill to think I would stoop so low. That wasn’t me. I would never hurt my friends. I would never misuse that trust. Who was that?? Ugh. That one laspe of judgement cost me dearly. I miss them and I will never have that trust and friendship back.

But in my darkest of moments I was NOT alone. I was not abandoned. You loved me, scolded me , held me, supported me, listened to me, allowed me to stay in your home, opened your hearts even wider and stuck by me. Even though I did not deserve it. Thank you Mike and Jen for all that you are in my life. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove I AM still the Michele that everyone use to love. Thank you for hearing my heart when I say I am sorry I let you down and it wont’ happen again. Thank you for loving me still. Thank you for not throwing 12 years of friendship out the door because I had a moment of desperation. I love you both.

Going up early this month. Today is “Free-For-All Friday” which means you can post whatever you want on my blog. Say what you want to say, share a link, complain about household appliances, etc…all you have to do is login and post!

Here’s how to do it:

• Go to the log-in prompt by clicking here.
• Login/Password: guest/FFAF
• You will be redirected to the dashboard – Click on “Write” on the top menu bar.
• In the categories box on the right, make sure there is a check mark next to “free for all” .
• Type a title in the “Title” field and type whatever you want in the “Post” field.
• When you’re done, click the “Publish” button.

Not sure what to say? Do you have any advice for the new parents of an infant and a toddler? Do you know us? Want to type a message to Mike, Gabe, Evie or myself? If none of those sound good…what are your plans for the weekend?

Evelyn – 1 day old

Originally uploaded by fl0w3r.

One more picture loaded. More to follow.

Mom’s doing well. Evie’s off of oxygen. We’re still waiting for a cardiologist to check her out, but all indications are she’s doing well.

Born September 24th at 9:18 PM. 10 lbs 8 oz. 22 inches.

Mom is doing well and is still in recovery as I’m writing this. Evelyn has some issues common to babies born in her circumstances (gestational diabetes and five weeks premature), but is being monitored closely by staff so friendly and attentive I feel completely at ease about her situation. Evelyn will be in intensive care at least over night. She’s been visited by a few of the many people who love her. She’s expected to be just fine.

If I can figure out how to work Jen’s flickr account, check there for pictures.

The C-section is scheduled for 6:30 PM8:30 PM tonight!

Basically we found out today that she’s not mature enough to deliver and she’s at extremely high risk of fetal death. So…I’m going to be admitted into the hospital on Monday for constant monitoring. That way if her movements, respirations or heart rate decline, they can take her immediately. If that were to happen she’d be put in an incubator, but she’d be alive and still growing. If that doesn’t happen, then I’ll be in the hospital for at least 2-weeks. They will do another amnio on 10/4 and decide then if they can take her.